Close to Home

I found out today that someone in a similar position to mine but at another campus was laid off. It was due to budget constraints and decreased enrollment (I work for a higher ed institution).

As much as I know I want to stay home, this worries me. We don't have a plan if this happens. Sure, we talk about me reducing hours or staying home, but we always come back to not right now.

What if someone takes the decision away from me?

Frankly, it scares the poop out of me. Would I love to play with Button all day? Of course. Would we be ok? Yes - I'd love to play with her day in and out and be her mommy full time. Who wouldn't??

But there would also be that shock, that OMG moment where I would not know what to do. At this point, I am way to pregnant to get hired elsewhere, which means I couldn't even look for a job until after this little Stinker here is born - so we are talking March or April.

I did talk with my boss - and said I at least needed until the end of the year if I was on the chopping block. Who knows if that will happen, but I know that at least I voiced what I needed to.

It brings it all back into perspective. I know that at any time my job could disappear. We would survive and life would be just fine. But at the same time I do get nervous because of the what if's.

Part of me also thinks that it would be a hidden blessing ... there I said it out loud. The decision would be taken away from us - I would stay home, at least until March or April. Part of me would love the time with Button before Stinker comes.

It would be much needed time with her that I would cherish forever.

Good or Bad, I don't know what is coming. But it is something that I will be thinking about, that has become much more of a reality. I always knew this was a possibility - let's be honesty, layoffs have been happening for over a year now where I work. I have felt pretty safe ... until now.

No matter what, I know there is a plan for us and things will be just fine. So now all I can do is worry about it. And a little part of me will maybe hope too.