Blessing

Yesterday was a mixed blessing. I had to got to stay home with my daughter. Monday she got sick at daycare and was unable to go back until today. Sometimes I hate the 24 hour rule! Timing was bad - I had to work to get census done for billing at work, and my husband was on call, there is a major event in the area that his department is required to assists with, and there were a few others that he works with on vacation.

So I got up at 3:30am and was at work by 4am to finalize what I needed to do. I was back in bed by 5:30am when Andy got up for work and was out the door by 6am when Belle got up for the day. So really, no extra sleep for me.

I love sick days and I hate sick days. I want them to be days where we don't do anything too fun to encourage sick days, but fun enough for both of us to enjoy. We went for a walk, watched Sesame Street and took a nap (not nearly long enough for me though!). By 2pm I was tried and needed a distraction.

Then I realized that we had a chance to get rid of the Baby Mullet. Yes, my darling little girl had a mullet. It was awful and since she has taken to pulling out her hair ties, really obvious. So we went to the hair salon and got it cut. It was an interesting experience. I mean, who would have thought someone would not like getting their hair cut?

She was NOT amused at first. She was unsure and upset. But realized that she got fruit snacks and Monkey and a Minnie Mouse doll. This somehow made it better. She was a trooper and has much better hair now. Not sure when we will repeat the experience, I know it will be a while! But I like her new 'do.

It was a good day home, one I am glad that we did. I wish I had more days like that with her, where we could stay home and take long walks and play outside and do all the fun things we never get to on weekends.

Yes, at first I was frustrated because I needed to get work done. But even though I was up at 3:30am and at work by 4am, I am very glad with the day I had with my little girl. I know with another one on the way, days like this are fleeting. How many more days will it just be the two of us? How will I manage special time with her while caring for a new little blessing?

Part of me worries. Then I remember her sitting with me and snuggling, asking for Elmo and patting my belly saying "Baby". Nothing could be more wonderful.

Sigh

I am 11 weeks and have begun telling people. I am excited, so excited to meet our new little stinker. But part of me dies every day knowing that at the end of April when my maternity leave is up, I will be going back to work. Full time. Sigh.

I emailed daycare today to make sure they will have space for this little one, secretly hoping that they would be full. They have plenty of space. Sigh.

I know that most people work full time and send their kids to daycare. I know the center we use is fantastic and little nut loves it. But part of me cries inside knowing that I am missing so much of her life. This week all she wants is for me to stay and play with her there. Sigh.

I know that I live a very good life, and that my daughter is well cared for, and this little stinker will be too. I just wish I could be there for all the little moments. The smiles. The hugs.

I am realistic - I don't miss the tantrums, the whining, the screaming when things are not going quite right. But today I probably won't get to see her until after bedtime, and tomorrow either. That breaks my heart a little more each day.

I have struggled with this for several months now, and know that when the time is right a change will happen. I just hope that come the end of April I can stay home with my kids .... even though I know I will be coming back to work.

Sigh.

My favorite photo from our recent family photos by Stephanie Creates. 

Little Stinker Due January 2013

Here we go again! Today I saw our little stinker for the first time. It has been a crazy day from the start. Little Nut woke up at 5:20am and would not go back to sleep, getting ready was crazy, and she wanted everything all at once. Follow that up with calling my midwife's office to see if she was delivering or not so we could come in to hear this little one's heartbeat, only to be told the building had been evacuated due to a fire.

Fast forward about an hour, I call back to find out what is going on. I burst into tears when I find out that I could have gone to my appointment. We were able to reschedule for 12pm. I left work in a rush to head to the appointment. They take me right back and start looking for the heartbeat.

15 minutes later they are still looking and I am going CRAZY. I am thinking, OH NO! What happened. After not being able to find it they took me into the ultrasound room.

Our little stinker was moving so fast they could not find it! Baby was just fine, doing a dance party in my belly. I was able to leave with a photo and a big smile on my face.

So yes, the rumors are true. We are expecting another little stinker at the end of January 2013.