Sigh

I am 11 weeks and have begun telling people. I am excited, so excited to meet our new little stinker. But part of me dies every day knowing that at the end of April when my maternity leave is up, I will be going back to work. Full time. Sigh.

I emailed daycare today to make sure they will have space for this little one, secretly hoping that they would be full. They have plenty of space. Sigh.

I know that most people work full time and send their kids to daycare. I know the center we use is fantastic and little nut loves it. But part of me cries inside knowing that I am missing so much of her life. This week all she wants is for me to stay and play with her there. Sigh.

I know that I live a very good life, and that my daughter is well cared for, and this little stinker will be too. I just wish I could be there for all the little moments. The smiles. The hugs.

I am realistic - I don't miss the tantrums, the whining, the screaming when things are not going quite right. But today I probably won't get to see her until after bedtime, and tomorrow either. That breaks my heart a little more each day.

I have struggled with this for several months now, and know that when the time is right a change will happen. I just hope that come the end of April I can stay home with my kids .... even though I know I will be coming back to work.

Sigh.

My favorite photo from our recent family photos by Stephanie Creates.