Mental Health Day

I am in desperate need of a mental health day. As much as I love my life, sometimes you just need a day off here and there.

Today is one of those days.

Normally, I would just call in sick. But since I am trying to stockpile my remaining vacation days for maternity leave next year and that I only have 7 hours of sick time left and two months left in the year, and a 21 month old that there will be a snow day or a sick day or something, I am left with few options.

So here I sit, at work, so tired I can barely function. I have 13 weeks to go before this new little blessing comes into our lives and so much to do. I just want to go home, do laundry and crawl into bed and sleep all day long.

It will get better. At least I am taking a long weekend for Thanksgiving (only 21 days away). Our new fridge and couch come Friday (we have been without a fridge for almost a month now), and I am only working a half day on Friday, so there are bonuses.

What do you do when you need a day off or a day away? Secretly I want to go to a hotel and not tell Hubs where I am .... but that would be mean!

Pumpkin Patch

Saturday was a great day. I love days like that. We went to the pumpkin patch.

We had a great time. We played outside, went on a wagon ride, picked out pumpkins and more. It was a fantastic day.

 It was great Mommy and Button time. A day I won't soon forget. I love these moments with her - and how fearless she is. I love her love for life and new things.

I loved watching her run around and look at EVERYTHING and get so excited. It was one of those picture perfect days. She even took a pretty good nap that afternoon.

Nothing else too exciting. Just that I loved having a great day with her.

Close to Home

I found out today that someone in a similar position to mine but at another campus was laid off. It was due to budget constraints and decreased enrollment (I work for a higher ed institution).

As much as I know I want to stay home, this worries me. We don't have a plan if this happens. Sure, we talk about me reducing hours or staying home, but we always come back to not right now.

What if someone takes the decision away from me?

Frankly, it scares the poop out of me. Would I love to play with Button all day? Of course. Would we be ok? Yes - I'd love to play with her day in and out and be her mommy full time. Who wouldn't??

But there would also be that shock, that OMG moment where I would not know what to do. At this point, I am way to pregnant to get hired elsewhere, which means I couldn't even look for a job until after this little Stinker here is born - so we are talking March or April.

I did talk with my boss - and said I at least needed until the end of the year if I was on the chopping block. Who knows if that will happen, but I know that at least I voiced what I needed to.

It brings it all back into perspective. I know that at any time my job could disappear. We would survive and life would be just fine. But at the same time I do get nervous because of the what if's.

Part of me also thinks that it would be a hidden blessing ... there I said it out loud. The decision would be taken away from us - I would stay home, at least until March or April. Part of me would love the time with Button before Stinker comes.

It would be much needed time with her that I would cherish forever.

Good or Bad, I don't know what is coming. But it is something that I will be thinking about, that has become much more of a reality. I always knew this was a possibility - let's be honesty, layoffs have been happening for over a year now where I work. I have felt pretty safe ... until now.

No matter what, I know there is a plan for us and things will be just fine. So now all I can do is worry about it. And a little part of me will maybe hope too.

Blessed

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. I guess on some level, I knew this day existed, but I didn't realize it was today until I saw a Facebook post that made me cry.

Hubs and I have been incredibly blessed. We never had to try to get pregnant and have had very uneventful pregnancies and births (well, still cooking #2, but things are going just fine at 25 weeks).

Unlike someone who I am very close to. I had suspected that she and her husband had tried and been unsuccessful or had problems. I was scared to tell her I was pregnant this time around, even though I knew she was about 16 weeks along. She had never told me what happened, but on some level I knew that there had been a miscarriage.

What I didn't know was that there had been several.

This morning my heart beaks for her. She is progressing along this time just fine and will get to meet her baby soon. But my heart breaks for those she lost, the pain she and her husband went through. Knowing that I was pregnant with Button  who could have had another little friend her age, that we were so blessed when she was hurting so much, makes me just want to weep.

I realize how lucky I am. People don't want to talk about what might happen. People talk about the positive, happy side of pregnancy, but don't acknowledge the sad side. The side that comes out when a baby is lost, but the love is not gone, and there is lasting pain.

October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.  It is a day to remember those we have lost, to support those who are left behind. We need to remember this day. We need to remember those who are affected by this, to show our love and support to them.

So think about those you love today, those who may have lost a baby or infant, those you know about and those you don't. Pray for them. Pray for their families and those that go through this in silence. Help them to feel love and support and mourn with them.

Crazyness and Lack of Sleep

So, for the past couple of weeks, work and life in general have been crazy. Add to that the fact that Button is not sleeping (therefore none of us are), its been crazy.

How do they know that when your life goes bonkers, that by not sleeping how they normally do, it will really make things crazy? For example, last week was a VERY busy week for me at work. They happen every 3 months or so and I am never home on time and generally crabby. I know that part of her not sleeping was because she is a very routine kid - when Mommy is not home by 5pm, she stands by the door or window and asks for me. So when I am late every day, she puts up a stink for hubs and then gets back at me by not sleeping, right?

Ok, that probably isn't quite how it goes, but it sure feels like it!

But what happened to her sleep pattern? My beautiful little girl who would go down about 8pm and sleep until 6am was playing in her room until almost 10pm last night (I had fallen asleep and didn't realize she was still awake) and up by 4:30am? Sunday, she was up at 3:30am and wanted to play ....

I am 24 weeks pregnant and work full time. I am tired by 8pm. I usually get her to bed and fall into mine. This is driving me crazy!! I want to get more sleep. I want a night of uninterrupted sleep. Ok, I know that is wishful thinking, but I still would like one night of sleep.

And try asking her why - she is only 21 months so she has no idea. I wish it was different, and I know it will get better, but I just want it to happen now ... Ok, done whining. 

I think we may have to rally the troops and give Mommy a night off. I think we would all feel much, much better. Which will make me a better Mommy.

What do you do when this happens at your house? 

Sunday

So, this weekend was interesting. Well, Saturday was pretty great. We went up north and took the docks out at Hubs Grandmothers. It was nice, cool but nice, and Button had a blast.

Then we went home, and I tried cutting her bangs ... BIG MISTAKE! She turned her head (that is my story and I am sticking to it!) .... it looked awful. I know it will grow back,  but I hate that I did this to her. I know it was an accident and that she will look fine, but come on! Oh well. What is done is done, and MIL helped fix it Sunday ... So she doesn't look so much like a little boy anymore.

Sunday was a different story. She was so tired! But she was up bright and early. And then she was all over the place. Throwing temper tantrums. Acting like a crazy little person. Driving me nuts.

So we finally went for a car ride - and she fell asleep. I was thankful. I thought, this will be great. She can take a catnap now, and then her real nap later.

No way.

We went to the in-laws for some football fun and had a great time, but towards the end, she started acting up so I took her home. More temper tantrums. No nap - she would not sit still!

Finally, about 7pm she fell asleep in my arms. I love those moments. I know that she will drive me absolutely crazy from time to time, but I love when she snuggles in and sleeps.

Of course, this morning, she didn't want to get up - she crawled into bed with me about 5:45am and was still zonked out a little before 7am when I got her up to get ready for school.

And she picked Monday to sleep in, when we all had to get up. :) I think she does that on purpose!

All About Cloth

So of you may know that I use cloth diapers (most of the time). I love them. They are so easy. And cheap. And I LOVE cheap.

What do I use? I have a small collection, mostly prefolds and covers. Prefolds are like the diapers your mom used for you with safety pins. But pins are no more. You can fold them and put them into a cover, that snaps or Velcros onto your child and BAM! they have a diaper on. It is great. Then, you change it as needed and instead of throwing it away, put it in your laundry (I suggest separate loads from your real clothes though!).

For me, I have several brands, but I love Thirsties covers. What I have learned is that I like the snaps better than the Velcro (kids learn how to rip off Velcro ... who knew?!). The snaps also tend to last longer. A great tip, Thirsties has an outlet. That means cheap diapers. I buy them there when I can find them.

For nighttime, I use Flip covers. Why? Because I can stuff more into them. I use a prefold and then some extra inserts. This prevents leaking (for the most part) if you child is a heavy wetter, which mine is.

I have a few Bummis covers, but they are Velcro. See above why I dislike Velcro. Although, my sister prefers it. Maybe her son does not pull his diaper off as much. What I LOVE from Bummis are the flushable cloth liners. Why? Makes poop easy to clean up. When I remember to use them. (That is the key for easy clean up - remembering to put the liner in!)

I don't use cloth wipes. No real reason, other than I am lazy and wipes are cheap. I have some. They look pretty in the drawer, but I never remember to get them wet to use as wipes. Plus, the disposable ones are right there.

I dislike All-In-One's (AIO's). They just don't seem to fit Button very well. Plus you have to have more of them. I have a million prefolds and several covers, but I would need one AIO for each diaper she would use a day, times like 3. That is too many for me. Plus, I get pretty colored covers and have fun. Covers can be used again in the same day before washing - unless of course there is poop on them. Then I would strongly recommend washing before using again. But I know people who love AIO's. Just not me.

I would also suggest finding a local retailer. Mine is the Mom and Pop Place. This place is amazing. You can go there and get sucked into all kinds of cloth diaper things, toys, games, and more. Plus they have really good food in their cafe and a play area for kids. What more do you need when you have a child who is taking a sick day but really isn't sick??

This got longer than I expected. One last thing - it is only about 2 extra loads of laundry per week. I can handle that. And we do keep disposables on hand for when I don't get the laundry done (it happens from time to time), traveling (we do use cloth while traveling, it just depends on where we are going), and for Hubs. What can I say, he tries hard, but never quite understood cloth. But he loves the money we save!

Have a great weekend!!